Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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