those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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