ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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