why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
