my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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