A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
