also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
