you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
