he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
