i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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