You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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