but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
