i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
