This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
