after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
