Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
