I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
