I hate all girls vehemently.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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