He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
