I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
