What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
