If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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