She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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