Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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