The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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