my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
