pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
