And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
