"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
