Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
