chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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