youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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