I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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