He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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