I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
