I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
