What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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