Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
