dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i already hear my dad disowning me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
