You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Terrible idea I love it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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