and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
