There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
