somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In America we eat man semen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we're so committed to being not committed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
