help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
