This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize