Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
