I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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