this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
