and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize