So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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