i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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