the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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