I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
