We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
