i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
