whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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