that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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