im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
