Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
