exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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