Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
