Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
