is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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