i need an iv and a liver transplant
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
