if you like me you must not know who I am
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
