Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
