You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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