Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
