It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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