dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
