Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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