i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
