The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
