Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
