I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When did angry sex become our thing?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
