It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
