Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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