am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
