Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
