she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize