I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
3 2 1 whiskey
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
