When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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