We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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