I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
